She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
