its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
