Swine flu. Run for my life!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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