Kiss
Puke
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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