Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize