drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
