glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
