I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Floor bacon is actually really good
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
