i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
