The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize