Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
