Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize