I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
