remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
