I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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