Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
