Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
