I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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