You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
