I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
