Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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