I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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