How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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