It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
