Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
