the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
