I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
