just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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