and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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