Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
