I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
