after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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