That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
