Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Randomize
