I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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