That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
