Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
