The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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