i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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