she was so not down for the gang bang
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
