just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
