You're completely useless in the revolution.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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