you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
