I'm drive I can fine osifer
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
