I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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