I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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