I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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