I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
