just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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