i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My cat gives me a boner
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you inspire me to be a worse person
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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