arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
