your parents love me but you hate me
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
