i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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