Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
