My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
