Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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