Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
