i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
