4 words: hood of his car
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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