I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
