Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
