I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize