omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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