she was so not down for the gang bang
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
