Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize