i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
