Welp...herpes.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Randomize
